I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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