I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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