my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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