i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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