He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
