guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
