tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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