can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
