I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
two words...techno handjob
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
