I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to sanitize my soul.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
