I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
