He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
