I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
