we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
