If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
