Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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