my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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