I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
