This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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