your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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