Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
