This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
