we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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