North Korea, Best Korea!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
