You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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