Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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