So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
