he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
