Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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