So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
