Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
