Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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