It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
