So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
