Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
