Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
