If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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