Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
