ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
