At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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