I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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