Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
