Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize