He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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