All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
