i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just had sex on a roof
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
