I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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