I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
