its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
