dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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