Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
