i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
