I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
