yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
