I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.