Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.