im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
