I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.