Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night.. http://tfl.nu/3lun
  Replies (3) Good night (1047) Bad night (3639)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock? http://tfl.nu/twxe
  Replies (5) Good night (5016) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever. http://tfl.nu/w4r8
  Replies (8) Good night (1108) Bad night (3092)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it. http://tfl.nu/o1jt
  Replies (8) Good night (4056) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon. http://tfl.nu/t0p2
  Replies (5) Good night (4773) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage. http://tfl.nu/u2i7
  Replies (5) Good night (2609) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Listen to me plotting my whoredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Listen to me plotting my whoredom. http://tfl.nu/l2mq
  Replies (3) Good night (1543) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios. http://tfl.nu/l40u
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it http://tfl.nu/cn0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1131) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/f9iv
  Replies (12) Good night (1052) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I bet his dick wears a tuxedo. http://tfl.nu/b7e4
  Replies (6) Good night (1090) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  When did angry sex become our thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): When did angry sex become our thing? http://tfl.nu/g3vv
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo http://tfl.nu/x6fo
  Replies (2) Good night (1494) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain... http://tfl.nu/gy86
  Replies (4) Good night (1172) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay http://tfl.nu/gpt5
  Replies (2) Good night (558) Bad night (269)

Randomize