ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.