she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.