we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
