Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.