Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.