There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
