The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
