I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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