how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
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Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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