so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
