I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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