We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
