3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
