i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
