I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
