I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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