I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
