Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
