I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
