I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
