i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
