Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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