she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
