She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
