Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
