NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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