You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
