so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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